So I understand that I literally just blogged yesterday, but it was sort of like a catch-up blog. Besides, I feel like I need to write today, so here we are! The main reason that I feel like I need to just write is because there has been a lot on my mind lately- seriously, last night I was up until 3 am because my mind was everywhere. I don't know if it's so much as stress as it is just everything coming together so quickly, but whatever it is is throwing me for kind of a loop. I know you guys are used to me in good spirits and blogging about things that make me smile, and that I mostly have an open-mind and a positive outlook on whatever. I'm not saying that this blog is going to be the complete opposite, but I'm human too. Yes, I am usually optimistic and happy but there was a time when I was definitely far from it, and in this blog I'm going to talk a little bit about all of that. So, here's your disclaimer of sorts ;) it's not bad, but it's probably going to be heavier than most of my posts on here.
Last night my mind was so a flight I could barely even sit still. I have ADD, so this happens often (haha) but, you know those moods where you just feel like something has to be done? I didn't know what it was, all I knew was that it was edging on midnight and I was still restless. I felt like my thoughts were overpowering and I began to contemplate everything in my life at once, without knowing exactly why I was doing it. It sounds crazy, I realize, but I guarantee you've been there before too. Maybe I'm not putting them into the correct words, I don't know, but yeah. So I do what I normally do, now, when my mind starts going crazy and I dug out my journal. It sounds ridiculous and completely juvenile to have a 'journal', but if you really knew me you'd know how this journal has saved me many a nights. I've had it since the very beginning of sophomore year, and only write in it when something is laying heavy on my mind. It holds everything for me because I know it's something that only I have to see. I absolutely love blogging and writing on public things like this, but at the same time it's good to have something to shamelessly be able to jot down your truth thoughts without thinking about anyone reading it. It's not something that I keep up with weekly, or even monthly at that. Maybe I'll write every few months, when I'm feeling in emotion that I can't quite pinpoint, and then stow it away and not pull it out again for another month or so, maybe even five months. It's a huge tool in my life and for me, there's nothing like scribbling your true thoughts with a pen and paper.
Initially, I wanted to take out my journal and allow my mind to float to my fingertips and write whatever, no filter, but as I turned through the pages it turned into something totally different. I unwillingly revisited some of my past by reading the words on the previous entries, even so recent as during the late summer of last year. It was incredible (in not such the best way) that I truly felt like that at one point in my life. It seems crazy now, because I seriously had no idea how much I had grown, inwardly, as a person within like, eight or so months at that. I don't want to reveal too much of my personal life, meshing with my blog, but if you knew the situation then it would definitely be a huge deal as well. Unfortunately though, it's still something that I'd like to be kept with me.
I guess the moral of all of this, or something that I learned is that no matter how far you're down at times in your life, there's always hope. I know that from the outside looking in I probably look like I've always had my act together, that I've always been someone that's happy and doesn't let others get to them, but as I said above- I'm human too. I know I haven't been as far down as many people have before in their life, but I've been far enough down to make me feel worried now. It's all about how you handle things and for me, it was a hard lesson learned but here I am today and I couldn't be more happy.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
I.D.E.A.L. & more!!
I've been slacking a little bit on my blogging. How do I know this? Because I constantly think of new things to update you guys about but I never get the chance to actually sit down at my laptop and type things out! I actually think that my poor laptop is accumulating dust because I barely use it anymore (smartphones are taking over the world it seems!) but yeah, blogging. There's so many things that I need to catch up on but the main thing is this... MY SEMINAR WAS THIS MORNING!!! I really meant to update you guys on some things about it the day before, but literally I was working 6 hours nonstop on everything I needed for it that I didn't have time to even think! let alone blog. but I.D.E.A.L. (I Deserve Education About Life) was the name of the seminar and it was only an hour long this morning, but I had to stay at the school and work on things such as the "Beautiful Board" as an actual, physical final product.
Goodness, let me tell you how rewarding this was! I got the opportunity to speak and work with about 40 girls (all ages 10 &11), this morning. I had that speaker's doubt in my mind, I won't like, during which I was speaking, when I was unsure if really any girls were getting anything out of what I was saying, or if they totally just thought I was some crazy girl blabbering on about how they deserve to be treated with respect and are powerful women. I didn't fully realize what I had on my plate, so this was definitely a HUGE humbling experience as well. The girls interacted with me and gave me pretty good feedback for the most part, which I'm so thankful for. Whenever I started talking about Middle School though, is when they really started speaking up. I got all types of questions ranging from questions about lockers, to finding classes, to teachers, and even about friends and meeting new people. I was proud to share my experience and give them the knowledge that I've obtained through my schooling years. One girl told me, during the seminar, that she loved Justin Bieber and was worried that when she got to middle school that people would make fun of her or for it or not think that it was as cool as she did. I absolutely loved that she voiced this because I know that this was probably on the minds of many of the other girls as well- What if I like something, other people don't, and they make fun of me for it? That's a dilemma that I even sometimes struggle with in high school, but I made sure to tell her that if she feels passionate about something in her life then she should live that out! I stressed how important it was that she stood and and stood her ground if she liked something, even if others didn't! That's one thing that I wish someone would have pushed the importance on me when I was that age, and I really hope it helped her out because it definitely would have saved me a lot of stress and energy when I was that age :)
There were SO many awesome things asked and said at IDEAL this morning and I truly wish I could blog about every single one of them! But we both know that would be impossible ;) I will say that I was completely beside myself with the turn-out of the pre-test/post-tests of self-confidence! Nearly all of them showed progress, and the ones that didn't first started off at the smiley face, which was awesome as well! Below I couldn't help but insert one of the pre-test/post-tests from today, which was my probably favorite because it showed the MOST improvement! Starting (purple marking), the girl only felt half confident, half discouraged about herself but by the time that IDEAL was over she felt completely confident (green)! I was completely floored with even this test alone, that I had the power to make someone feel completely, 100% confident in herself if even for a moment. THIS is what I live for, folks :)
On a much different note, I wanted to updated you guys on the strong girl that I mentioned in my last post, Amanda. It pains me to share that Miss Amanda passed away 3/30/11, at only sixteen years old. I hate hearing about things like this and my heart fully goes out to everyone that was affected by her passing. She was so young and had her whole life ahead of her, I absolutely hate that something like this happened. From what I've heard, and I've only heard things about her since I only knew her through people, she was so strong and definitely a beautiful girl from the inside shining out. Amanda will always reign in those that were close to her and even those that weren't at all, such as myself. As I said, I hate sharing news like this because as you guys can probably already tell I enjoy being happy and spreading a good message, but it's important that everyone keep Amanda's family, friends, and those close to her in their prayers daily, I couldn't imagine losing someone I hold so dear in my life. I've heard tons of stories of very young people passing or in the hospital and it hurts me more than I can explain. I live for this generation and to see so many hurting and passing definitely takes a toll on me. I've been thinking a lot about this and the best thing that I can say to anyone dealing with the loss of a close person in your life is just that they are out of pain now. They've done what they needed to do here on earth and unfortunately God is taking His angel back. Everyone goes through the loss of a loved one in their life and although it's difficult they have moved on to a bigger and better place, far beyond anything earth can offer. Or at least that's what I'd like to think :)
stay strong lovess, until next time! :)
Goodness, let me tell you how rewarding this was! I got the opportunity to speak and work with about 40 girls (all ages 10 &11), this morning. I had that speaker's doubt in my mind, I won't like, during which I was speaking, when I was unsure if really any girls were getting anything out of what I was saying, or if they totally just thought I was some crazy girl blabbering on about how they deserve to be treated with respect and are powerful women. I didn't fully realize what I had on my plate, so this was definitely a HUGE humbling experience as well. The girls interacted with me and gave me pretty good feedback for the most part, which I'm so thankful for. Whenever I started talking about Middle School though, is when they really started speaking up. I got all types of questions ranging from questions about lockers, to finding classes, to teachers, and even about friends and meeting new people. I was proud to share my experience and give them the knowledge that I've obtained through my schooling years. One girl told me, during the seminar, that she loved Justin Bieber and was worried that when she got to middle school that people would make fun of her or for it or not think that it was as cool as she did. I absolutely loved that she voiced this because I know that this was probably on the minds of many of the other girls as well- What if I like something, other people don't, and they make fun of me for it? That's a dilemma that I even sometimes struggle with in high school, but I made sure to tell her that if she feels passionate about something in her life then she should live that out! I stressed how important it was that she stood and and stood her ground if she liked something, even if others didn't! That's one thing that I wish someone would have pushed the importance on me when I was that age, and I really hope it helped her out because it definitely would have saved me a lot of stress and energy when I was that age :)
There were SO many awesome things asked and said at IDEAL this morning and I truly wish I could blog about every single one of them! But we both know that would be impossible ;) I will say that I was completely beside myself with the turn-out of the pre-test/post-tests of self-confidence! Nearly all of them showed progress, and the ones that didn't first started off at the smiley face, which was awesome as well! Below I couldn't help but insert one of the pre-test/post-tests from today, which was my probably favorite because it showed the MOST improvement! Starting (purple marking), the girl only felt half confident, half discouraged about herself but by the time that IDEAL was over she felt completely confident (green)! I was completely floored with even this test alone, that I had the power to make someone feel completely, 100% confident in herself if even for a moment. THIS is what I live for, folks :)
On a much different note, I wanted to updated you guys on the strong girl that I mentioned in my last post, Amanda. It pains me to share that Miss Amanda passed away 3/30/11, at only sixteen years old. I hate hearing about things like this and my heart fully goes out to everyone that was affected by her passing. She was so young and had her whole life ahead of her, I absolutely hate that something like this happened. From what I've heard, and I've only heard things about her since I only knew her through people, she was so strong and definitely a beautiful girl from the inside shining out. Amanda will always reign in those that were close to her and even those that weren't at all, such as myself. As I said, I hate sharing news like this because as you guys can probably already tell I enjoy being happy and spreading a good message, but it's important that everyone keep Amanda's family, friends, and those close to her in their prayers daily, I couldn't imagine losing someone I hold so dear in my life. I've heard tons of stories of very young people passing or in the hospital and it hurts me more than I can explain. I live for this generation and to see so many hurting and passing definitely takes a toll on me. I've been thinking a lot about this and the best thing that I can say to anyone dealing with the loss of a close person in your life is just that they are out of pain now. They've done what they needed to do here on earth and unfortunately God is taking His angel back. Everyone goes through the loss of a loved one in their life and although it's difficult they have moved on to a bigger and better place, far beyond anything earth can offer. Or at least that's what I'd like to think :)
stay strong lovess, until next time! :)
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